THERE IS A FUCKING COW TRYING TO GET INSIDE MY HOUSE
I AM HOME ALONE
WHAT DO I DO THERE IS A COW PRESSING ITS FACE AGAINST THE WINDOW
tell it to mooove
my thighs don’t touch because i’m fat they touch because they’re in love
of all the dumb stuff i did when i was younger at least i can proudly say i was never a fan of annoying orange
i wonder if there’s an actual heaven and if there’s an actual angel called Castiel up there who’s just like “FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN THESE TEENAGERS STOP CALLING ME”
i would pay good money for a navigation system voiced by cas
“I-I don’t understand. Why did you not turn when I told you to?”
“You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of downtown rush hour traffic, I can throw you back in.”
I READ IT IN THE VOICE I READ IT IN THE VOICE
i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it